Good walls don't happen by accident.
Discipline in the home can't be as effective when we don't approach it with great thought, great compassion, great grace. Just like God with us.
A grace-based home is not one in which the kids can do whatever they want. In fact, just the opposite is true: grace means that as parents we structure and manage our family life to reflect the desires of our holy heavenly Father. Scriptures like Hebrews 12 teach us that God disciplines us BECAUSE OF HIS LOVE, NOT IN SPITE OF HIS LOVE.
I like what Josh McDowell said once: Rules without relationship=rebellion. Tim Keller adds another parenting maxim that is just as true: Relationship without rules=resentment.
In the book, Grace-Based Discipline, Karis Kimmel Murray (Tim Kimmel's daughter) explains two ways of discipline: reactive discipline and responsive discipline. It sounds like not much of a difference, but if can be profound. When I'm out and about, I often see parents that are reactive - acting out as much as their kids with drama, emotion, panic, and shame. Responsive parents take the time to discipline with patience, mindfulness, intention, and grace.
"But you don't know my kid!" (In earlier times in my life, I probably would have agreed. Not anymore). The thing is - it's not about what kind of kid you have. It's how you apply graceful discipline to the kids God gave you.
Here's one of the biggest lessons I've learned about discipline over the years. I wish so much that I had learned this one forty years ago, but I'll pass it on to you. 95% of discipline in your family is not the discipline itself (spanking, time-outs, natural and logical consequences, etc. etc. etc.) Most of those things are what we think of when we talk about discipline. But actually, the most effective discipline you can apply in your family is to create an environment of grace and acceptance and unconditional love. The rest is just working out the details.
How can we accomplish this? Only by the grace of God.